PART ONE - WHERE I STARTED
You may not think it....
But I started my boudoir journey in 2018. Writing this post just over two years since I started. It's amazing when we look back at things.... how far we've come, how much we've learnt, as well as how far we've improved from where we started. My style is forever developing with the knowledge I acquire. Every model and every client teaches me something new and draws me out of my comfort zone even further. I was never much of a people person throughout my life. I was the shy, quiet kid that was content just to sit in the corner with a book. I guess I still am. Portrait and wedding photography has given me more confidence than I could even imagine. I feel a completely different person.... but I guess we all do as we get older and find ourselves.
The images I post in this "PART ONE" are from my very first boudoir session. They are me... they are where I began.
"It is never too late to be what you might have been."
I decided to try out a photo-shoot. Felt pretty damn good during the whole experience and went home. This was the moment I finally decided to do a boudoir photo-shoot for myself. Set up the tripod and I loved the photos I got out of it. I felt amazing. Until I received the photos from the other photo-shoot.
This might sound really bad bagging another photographer.... not saying the photos weren't good.... I just hated the way I looked. All the curves I imagined I had were gone. I now had a boyish figure I suddenly couldn't stand. In God-honest truth... I believed I looked like a beached whale. I cried when I saw the photos. I couldn't even comprehend how that the woman in the photos I took was even the same one in the photos they took.
Because of the way I felt, I decided I needed to do another self portrait session to try and pick myself up again. Didn't even want to it, it took months to get the courage to try again, but I'm so glad I did.
“The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself.”
- Maya Angelou
THIS IS WHY I got into boudoir photography. I wanted to help women with their own experience. My ultimate goal is to change the way people see themselves. As someone who is on their own self-love journey, I understand completely how it feels to constantly judge yourself. Hell, I still do now!
Every woman that comes through the studio is nervous in one way or another. Even me.... and I'm on the other side of the camera! I realize all the control is in my hands. Models and clients get to see the photos as the session progresses, but I'm the only taking the pictures how I see fit. The model or client can't go through and pick the angles or delete automatically the photographs they don't like. I reckon that takes a lot of strength to hand that control over to a photographer you've probably only met once before!
I'm in constant awe of the women I meet doing Boudoir Portraits. It's a difficult thing to do... walk into a session and play model for an hour or so. A lot of the women I meet are so brave and strong it is truly inspiring. Watching nervous women come out of their shell and truly enjoy themselves is an incredible feeling. I see it every time. Whether it be an experienced model or a first time client. Going through and editing photographs afterwards, I always see EXACTLY where someone relaxes. And it always starts with a smile.
As I said, I know exactly how it feels to be discontent with how you look. To find fault with pieces of you. But we all need to realize that how we see ourselves, isn't necessarily how others see us. Yeah I know, it's pretty hard changing old habits. I'm still trying. But being surrounded by inspiring women and a body positive community is slowly getting me there... one step at a time.
Everything takes time.